The October Surprise is coming

A guide for voters

President Obama has a better chance of reelection in 2012 if he has a Republican house to oppose, and a better chance if the country isn’t bankrupt, so he might not be too upset if the Republicans win the House. But the executive branch isn’t just the president, and it’s likely someone else will spring an October Surprise before the election.

If there is no major storm or natural disaster before November that will be a surprise in itself, and further evidence of man’s degradation of the environment. But because of global warming there will almost certainly be some kind of surprising event in the next two months – hurricane, tsunami, terrorist attack, or nationwide bedbug infestation. It’s impossible that politicians will not try to take advantage of it. In addition to natural and man-caused disasters someone, maybe a well-meaning amateur, will gin up something meant to save the Democrats from humiliating defeat.

Prepare

Stock up on jug wine, cake mix, and ground coffee. Wear loose comfortable clothing and sturdy shoes. Carry your library card at all times. Keep in the car an emergency kit with summer sausage and a serrated knife. Follow Michael Steele’s Twitter feed. Don’t count on help from your alumni association. Your state board of education is a great resource. Call their office with any questions.

Recognize

What might the October Surprise be? That’s hard to say. Nancy Pelosi might sponsor a bill to provide gay wedding receptions for the poor (it wouldn’t be her worst idea.) The Department of the Interior might veil the Statue of Liberty for Eid. The EPA might mandate waterless toilets, or ban serrated knives. If it shows tone-deaf contempt for middle America, it’s probably the Democrats’ October Surprise, or else it’s Michael Steele’s latest attempt to do whatever it is he’s trying to do.

Respond

As soon as the Washington Post claims opinion polls are tightening, take off work if you have a job and tune your television to C-Span. Bake the cake according to the directions on the box. Invite friends over and offer the summer sausage and wine. Later, make coffee and serve the cake.