Category Archives: Uncategorized

Headlines

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Statistics

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Yankee go home

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There are suggestions the administration bungled the negotiations with the Iraqi government, so now we won’t be able to maintain forces there indefinitely to keep the region stable. First, I’ll believe we’re withdrawing all the troops when I see it. Second, I’m not sure it would be such a bad thing to take out all the troops. I’ve thought for years that the best response to loud cries of “Yankee go home!” is “Okay bye.” If that’s bungling, we might benefit from more of it.

Russia has had its troubles

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Among the troubles they share with the rest of the us are hubristic technocrats fooling around with the clocks.

But, thanks to outgoing President Dmitry Medvedev, Russians will have one less worry this winter. Last year, Medvedev made what will remain the hallmark of his placeholder presidency: he cancelled daylight saving time. Using uncharacteristically tough and decisive language to announce the move last year, he said that time changes (or, as he referred to them, ‘the troubles’) brought on ‘stress and illness’, ‘upset the human biorhythm’, and, perhaps most importantly, caused unhappiness in ‘cows and other animals that don’t understand the clocks changing’. So when most of the rest of Europe changes to daylight saving in two weeks’ time, Russia will remain firmly planted. The cows will be happy – bankers, traders, and western journalists less so.” — In Moscow, the snow comes every year, and every year it’s a surprise, by Miriam Elder

I’m with Dmitry and the cows. Contemn the bankers, traders, and western journalists.

Four links

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Joke

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Possibly unoriginal

A bear and a goose walk into a bar. The bear says, “Gimmie a Jack and Coke.” The goose says, “Bud light Lime.” The bartender serves them their drinks. The bear and the goose pay, drink, and leave. A rabbi sitting at the bar asks the bartender, “What was that all about?” The bartender shrugs and says, “Dunno. Some kind of joke, I guess.”

UPDATE 28 September 2011 – A better joke: three logicians walk into a bar…

Time marches on

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Back in the day when Dick Cheney’s grandfather illegally imposed daylight savings time, the implementation was limited by the available technology of mechanical clocks and Morse telegraphy. If the clocks were to be changed, they about had to be advanced one full hour in the Spring, then put them back one full hour in the fall. Thanks to Al Gore’s creative genius, with help from Shockly and Berners-Lee, we are now in a position to do it right.

Instead of making the change over one night, with all the attendant disruption, inconvenience, and confusion, we can make the change continuously throughout the year. We can vary the length of the second continuously 23.889/7.00008/365.312, or whatever. This offers several advantages.

It will be necessary to create a whole new federal department, just to keep track of what time it is, what time it was, what time it will be later, and the historical and proposed intervals between events. The hiring will reduce unemployment and stimulate the economy.*

Since time is money, the government will be able to borrow money at near-zero interest by adjusting the time-stream.

It’s generally recognized that at some point you’ve had enough time. By redistributing the accumulated excess of the privileged to those in need, we will have a more just society.

Productivity and business profits will soar as the length of a second is increased during the work day and shortened at night. If the economy starts to overheat, the second length can be decreased.

The increased government oversight will keep us all on our toes and make us all better people. A limited number of waivers will be available upon application.

Since speed is the ratio of distance to time, we can change velocities with local selective temporary adjustments to the second length. This could be used to smooth out wind speeds during meteorological events, thereby mitigating storm damage. The frustratingly slow traffic of rush hours will be eliminated by providing time-expanded and time-reduced lanes on major arterial highways.

Successful trial lawyers will make a boatload of money.

Some Wall Street firms will make a boatload of money.

It might be possible to use similar technology to stop global warming, by adjusting the temperature scales in the summer.

Some naysayers claim daylight savings time is a disruptive nuisance that inconveniences everyone, costs a fortune, and does no more good than cutting an inch off a shoelace and tying it to the other end. These gun-toting Bible-thumpers with their degrees from State U have nothing to offer but ad hominem attacks, and are best ignored.

* Studies by NPR journalists indicate that one federal employee costs $128,000 per year, and adds $375,000 to the economy. Borrowing money to hire more federal employees is the path to universal prosperity, scientists say.