Smoking

This is amazing. Apparently, smoking is bad for you. It causes cancer. If only people knew.

It seems just a whiff of cigarette smoke can do irreversible harm, but you can recover if you quit smoking. Smoking more is even more dangerous, but smoking less isn’t any safer. Even if you yourself have never smoked, you are probably addicted to tobacco, just from having seen tobacco smoked fifteen feet away from the entrance of a tavern in which you once had a drink. If you think you don’t smoke, you are probably just in denial. It’s imperative that you quit now. If other people smoke, your death is inevitable.

The article doesn’t mention what effect smoking has on global climate change. I imagine the data, if carefully analyzed by the UN, could show a correlation between smoking in America and drought in Africa, but they probably didn’t want to risk discrediting their message with hyperbole.

Medical marijuana, on the other hand, is good for lower back pain, muscle pain, joint pain, headaches, anxiety, nausea, conservatism, ennui, mild depression, systemic auto-immune disorders, drug addiction, dutch elm disease, and chronic lyme disease, which may not even really exist. Just make sure the wicked corps don’t put tobacco in your weed – they try stuff like that, to get you hooked.

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