Time marches on

Back in the day when Dick Cheney’s grandfather illegally imposed daylight savings time, the implementation was limited by the available technology of mechanical clocks and Morse telegraphy. If the clocks were to be changed, they about had to be advanced one full hour in the Spring, then put them back one full hour in the fall. Thanks to Al Gore’s creative genius, with help from Shockly and Berners-Lee, we are now in a position to do it right.

Instead of making the change over one night, with all the attendant disruption, inconvenience, and confusion, we can make the change continuously throughout the year. We can vary the length of the second continuously 23.889/7.00008/365.312, or whatever. This offers several advantages.

It will be necessary to create a whole new federal department, just to keep track of what time it is, what time it was, what time it will be later, and the historical and proposed intervals between events. The hiring will reduce unemployment and stimulate the economy.*

Since time is money, the government will be able to borrow money at near-zero interest by adjusting the time-stream.

It’s generally recognized that at some point you’ve had enough time. By redistributing the accumulated excess of the privileged to those in need, we will have a more just society.

Productivity and business profits will soar as the length of a second is increased during the work day and shortened at night. If the economy starts to overheat, the second length can be decreased.

The increased government oversight will keep us all on our toes and make us all better people. A limited number of waivers will be available upon application.

Since speed is the ratio of distance to time, we can change velocities with local selective temporary adjustments to the second length. This could be used to smooth out wind speeds during meteorological events, thereby mitigating storm damage. The frustratingly slow traffic of rush hours will be eliminated by providing time-expanded and time-reduced lanes on major arterial highways.

Successful trial lawyers will make a boatload of money.

Some Wall Street firms will make a boatload of money.

It might be possible to use similar technology to stop global warming, by adjusting the temperature scales in the summer.

Some naysayers claim daylight savings time is a disruptive nuisance that inconveniences everyone, costs a fortune, and does no more good than cutting an inch off a shoelace and tying it to the other end. These gun-toting Bible-thumpers with their degrees from State U have nothing to offer but ad hominem attacks, and are best ignored.

* Studies by NPR journalists indicate that one federal employee costs $128,000 per year, and adds $375,000 to the economy. Borrowing money to hire more federal employees is the path to universal prosperity, scientists say.