Government regulation

A lot of guys I know have chainsaws. Every time I sit down in the coffee shop, it’s Stihl this, bar that, oil the other. They talk about chainsaws all the time, fuss with them a lot, and use them occasionally. None of the women I know ever mention chainsaws, except maybe once when when a lady’s husband had strained his shoulder. When I’ve heard a young man mention chainsaws, it’s been in the context of having to help Grandpa cut brush, or taking Grandpa to the doctor to get his stitches out. If talk is any indication, chainsaws are used almost exclusively by middle-aged (or older) men. Now these chainsaws run on gasoline, and seem to require lots of oil for lubrication. And of course, chainsaws cut down trees. How are chainsaws not licensed and regulated by some federal department?

The TSA would be the best choice to be retrained as regulators. They’re not really doing much in their current jobs, and their skills are not in demand in the private sector. Now they may not actually know much about chainsaws, so there would need to be some hands-on familiarization. I suggest we take them out to some heavily wooded national park, ideally on an island, and give each one a chainsaw, gas and oil, and an operators manual. Not that they would be unsupervised — executives from the Veteran’s Administration could be in charge.

A chainsaw can be a force for positive change and social justice. We just need to implement some common-sense regulation, and put the tools in the right hands.