The high-speed-rail solution

Someone alert the Sanders campaign

Most of what I know about Senator Sanders comes from his Twitter feed. Surprisingly, he’s had little to say about high-speed rail. That’s unfortunate, because people need to get from where they are to where they need to be, for work, for school, and for a number of needs documented and otherwise. Because of market failures and fat-cat businessmen, affordable transportation is not always available. The government needs to step in and ensure access to the transportation all of us need.

So, free transportation for everyone! If you’re in Cleveland and you need to go to Chicago, just go to Washington DC and they’ll give you a free ride on green high-speed rail. A network of state-of-the-art transportation hubs will be located in Washington DC, Los Angles, and Managua, Nicaragua.

But how to pay for the high-speed rail? Free College! Because people need it. Some people think two years of college should be free, but actually that’s racist. Grad school should be free, everybody should get a Ph.D., and when they finish they should get a professorship with tenure.

Education pays for itself, and professors almost all vote Democrat, because they’re so intelligent and well educated. After the first crop of professors finishes, they will teach the next generation and, since professors make good money, they’ll pay a lot of taxes while they do it. These taxes will then be available to pay for the students’ tuition, room, and board, plus the high-speed rail line.

As an added bonus, if we implement plans like this we’ll also take care of that pesky illegal immigration problem.